How to deal with a covert aggressive person?

big121, Dec 4, 9:01pm
I need some help with dealing with someone at work that has extreme covert aggressive personality. Any hints would be great.


saffa2, Dec 4, 9:02pm
baseball bat.

nfh1, Dec 4, 9:04pm
that would be the subtle approach saffa2.

nfh1, Dec 4, 9:06pm
I think you just have to have tunnel vision as to what you want and not allow yourself to be played or manipulated.I suppose at least you realise what is happening so you have a huge advantage!

red38, Dec 4, 9:16pm
Its a difficult one but I would engage your Adult thinking and maintain your boundary. Don't be aggressive, and certainly don't be submissive either.

Say to them that from your understanding that isn't how you see it, and if they cannot see it from your point of view as well as their own, then you are not willing to discuss the issue any further. This prevents you from getting pulled into any further games.

..pip.., Dec 4, 9:34pm
I say step away from the online mental health diagnoses website.

big121, Dec 4, 9:45pm
thanks for that and yer a base ball bat would be great but not ideal!
I need to come up with a few good responses for when he trys his tricks. So any ideas are welcome

trogedon, Dec 5, 4:23am
You need to say what they're doing and how etc. Putting what you did explains little.

wessex, Dec 5, 9:05pm
Everywhere I have ever worked there has alwaysbeen at least one passive aggressive. Hell to work with but I think you just have to learn to cope

big121, Dec 6, 5:12am
yer and we are but it's just frustrating as he trys so many different tactics. poor me, look at me i'm soo great, never answering a queastion and always putting ur ideas down, always 1 rule for him and another for us but the worst is the lying! it's just crazy

big121, Dec 6, 5:16am
I will write it a bit better. He uses these tactics:

Denial
Selective Inattention
Rationization
Diversion
Lying
Covert Intimidation
Guilt tripping
Shaming
Playing the victim role
Vilifying the victim
Playing the servant Role
Seduction
Projecting the blame
Minimization

You never know which one he will use next. and we can't walk away as we are unfortunatly in business with him

nfh1, Dec 6, 5:36am
Do you think it is time to look for another partner for the business or sell your share!I could never work with someone like that - how can you trust him!

big121, Dec 6, 7:07am
lol (not really a laughing matter) we don't and yep we are on our way out but it will get worse before it gets better I think.

trogedon, Dec 6, 8:07am
Most people like that you've either got to avoid them totally or just work around them to make sure what you do is what you want to do. *The best revenge is a GOOD LIFE ('cause their's is shite).

nfh1, Dec 6, 8:35am
I think you could be right - but sounds like someone to get away from.Good Luck.

big121, Dec 6, 4:05pm
thanks for the support guys

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