Hair Removal . anyone tried it this way .

wittledarling, Jun 18, 6:21am
(I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but.WHAT A RIOT!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.thewax. Read on.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be! I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!!!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
('Cold wax,' yeah.right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.RRRRIIIPPP!
I'm blind! Blinded from pain!.OH MY GAWD!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out.must stay conscious.must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums! Breathe, breathe.OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's no hair on it. Where is the hair! WHERE IS THE WAX!
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the = hair. The hair that should be on the's not! I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake.remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet! I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax!
Hot water ! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right! *WRONG!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!

tania43, Jun 18, 6:26am
too much to read!

ashen1, Jun 18, 6:50am
lmao! in stitches laughing

ashen1, Jun 18, 6:51am
ok heading to part two now!

52many, Nov 28, 8:30am
OMG where is part 2! still wiping tears from eyes.

kinna54, Nov 29, 1:31am
Oh that's hillarious! poor lady.part 2 please!

nfh1, Nov 29, 1:49am
Fantastic - off to find part two

mrs_medusa, Nov 29, 7:41am
I feel so bad for laughing so much at this, sounds like a sitcom!

fuzzy_passion, Nov 29, 7:44am
baby oil, removes the wax

lazkaz, Nov 29, 8:09am
I so laughed and out loud, could not explain to 16 year old son, I shall pass this on it should be in the newspaper, come on where is part 2 please.I hardly shave, its okay because I am not a hairy lady.One night preparing self for date going to his work do, I shaved underarms for the first time, omg did no one tell me you do not do that when about to go out.I had ape like arms all night, needless to say I did not go out.I just hate it.I love to dress up and wear sleeveless, and do the veet cream thing when going out but well winter not such a problem.I am still laughing

donna_jo29, Nov 29, 8:15am
it down more part 2

missunderstood, Nov 29, 8:44am

micfee, Nov 30, 5:25am
OMG that is hilarious where is part two!

jills3, Nov 30, 7:24am
so funny so far, please continue with the story.

sue1955, Nov 30, 7:56am
I have just bumped Pt 2 for you. Enjoy (between the tears of laughter).

atilasgirl, Nov 30, 9:36am
oo my I am hysterical with laughter.i dont know whether i can take part 2.

pheebs1, Nov 30, 9:44am
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha!'

She's laughing out loud by now.I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH! Right! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point! I rub some on and OH MY GOD!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS! It works !'

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.


wittledarling (1015 )6:22 pm, Fri 17 Jun #1

snlc, Dec 2, 10:29pm
Thats so very old now

ford99, Dec 4, 11:54am
loved this so hilarious!

old_faithful27, Dec 7, 4:53am
Hahahahahahahaha awesome! Every man shud be made to read this so they no what we do to please them!

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