How do you get an elderly person to see they need Page 1 / 2

crab2, Dec 25, 8:14am
that's wonderful news, yes support worker can also be a caregiver, depends on the agency. You might be surprised what can be achieved in the time allocated. Keep popping in as they will love the company. Well done

ash4561, Dec 21, 9:56am
when they say i can manage and dont need any help when there to weak to go to the toilet before bed. and how do you get a break when they say they dont need any help. most other people think they should be in a rest home but they dont want to go in one but if they dont accept they need help they will fall sooner and be bed ridden.

roisin-aiofe, Dec 21, 10:03am
Going into care is a biggie- sometimes it does take a major event- such as a fall, or a trip to hospital to get a person to acknowledge the need for assistance.
Also, the way you approach a person is important too, and can make all the difference. A lot of the time, a person will be well aware that they need help, but to not want to be "taken over" if that makes sense, and there is a real fear of losing independance.

ash4561, Dec 21, 10:21am
Do you just book someone in to help and go away or just go and cause they chose not to take the help they fall and thats the end of them. Can they not see the difference of taking the help.

roisin-aiofe, Dec 21, 10:27am
Think of it another way. You have been independant your whole life, haven't needed any help, and all of a sudden you have people trying to take over your life. Telling you what to do, telling you that you can't manage, trying to arrange total strangers to come into your house to "do" your personal cares, and make sure you are "toileted".
It can be overwhelming and VERY frightening.

roisin-aiofe, Dec 21, 10:30am
The proper route is to go through the GP, have an assessment done, then the decision can be made whether rest home care is an option, or whether person can manage in own home with assistance. I have found that when people realise that the alternative is going in to care, that home help becomes more acceptable to them.

ash4561, Dec 21, 10:39am
well there crying and depressed when they cant get to the toilet and are happier on the times when neither of you could cope and you got someone in and say how good they were but dont need any help from them again.

roisin-aiofe, Dec 21, 10:42am
What are the mobility issues! And do you live with the person in question!

ash4561, Dec 21, 10:46am
asked if they could get themselves to bed and changed they said yes which so the help was sorted for earlier when we already have some help and then they could barely get to bed last night then i said they need help this time of night they said yes then today i said might be able to cange the help to later which ds had suggested and then the care provider put it earlier as thats when there workers could come if they say you can have help to get to bed they would have taken it but asked if you can do it yourself they said yes.

ash4561, Dec 21, 10:51am
last problem fell and broke hip i dont live with them but when they got out of hospital unable to even walk from one room to toilet and bedroom without wheel chair half way cause there walker was no good and they didnt get sent out with other one ive been staying but often leave at midnight

roisin-aiofe, Dec 21, 10:54am
Why is the walker no good!

ash4561, Dec 21, 11:03am
bar and seat so have to stand outside walker with not much weight on arms hired one after they got home that ther can stand in and take more weight of leg on arms physio said she was contracted for 6 weeks once a week and finished said there were other weaknesses other than the fall that were problems but it was not walking after the fall that the other weaknesses got weaker could walk round outside with walker before

roisin-aiofe, Dec 21, 11:14am
Walkers are not designed to take a person's weight or be used like a crutch!They are there as a support and for balance- should be weightbearing on leg.

ash4561, Dec 21, 11:20am
legs week after not walking on it much for a month they say week from stoke a year ago but was a lot stronger before fall and hasnt got that strength back to difficult to walk so doesnt get the exercise to get stronger.

roisin-aiofe, Dec 21, 11:33am
The blunt truth is that unless they put in the effort to rehabilitate, they will end up in care.

nitronz, Dec 21, 11:46am
perhaps getting a comode(sp) will be helpful.
Its a chair that is a loo, and can sit beside the bed. My mother had one.saved her from getting upset and me becoming over stressed.

You cant force someone to accept help, they have to want too.

pamols, Dec 22, 7:55am
When they were in hospital were they accessed before they were sent home! You can actually call and ask to speak to the NASC team and ask them to put things into place to help. Also while they are unwell and having problems still maybe able to get respite care. It is possibly to late to sort properly this side of Xmas but you can make noises to start the ball rolling. Are your services from Thames, Waikato or long shot Middlemore! Be a squeky wheel and you will get results.

crab2, Dec 22, 8:16am
poster #1, are you able to help them by working alongside them and encourage them to do little things to feel independant. If the main issue is at night getting to the toilet then a commode is the answer but someone is going to have to empty it the next morning.

As the person has had a fall it will take time for the hip to heal and it will make it difficult to walk far which is why the need for a walker and as another poster said not for wheeling the person but for balance only while they walk.

Another suggestion is if you are a regular visitor perhaps you could walk alongside the person for short stretches to encourage exercise to help strenghten the muscles in their legs and to keep mobile

If these suggestions don't work then the only other option is contact a family member and raise your concerns to them and try to get them to take person to Dr to be assessed for assistance around the home but you want a support worker who will work alongside them not take over so they still feel independant. If the person feels comfortable with you there then perhaps you could become their helper

jase.and.jules, Dec 22, 9:13am
They need support from you and from professionals.See the GP to look at options as they obviously value their independence.

ash4561, Dec 22, 10:40am
ok thanks
im starting to understand that telling them they need help makes them feel useless. And its better for them to struggle to get to bed by themselves cause they dont want help with it. I just think they might fall.
I will try to motivate them to walk tomorrow and do leg exercises. I just get too drained and dont bother to do it and no one else does. Acc pysio came once a week for 6 weeks and thats her contract over. She said there were other problems before the hip but it was being off the legs because of the hip that weakened the leg. If physio came they would walk but now that times spent sitting down.
The leg is very weak and everyone seams to have given up

shellbell1, Dec 22, 6:56pm
Go to your doc and ask for an assement for home care those girls can do anything

roisin-aiofe, Dec 22, 7:35pm
I am going to be REALLY REALLY blunt.

"I just get too drained and dont bother to do it and no one else does."

You have LOTS of positive suggestions and help in this thread from experienced people, and yet you continue to take this "woe is me, it's too hard, no one can be bothered, it's better for them to struggle" point of view.

If you can't be bothered looking after this person PROPERLY, then fgs fine someone who WILL- otherwise they will end up completely immobile, and totally reliant on others- or is that what you want! It is in EVERYONES best interests to maintain mobility- otherwise going in to rest home care is the only option.

Your inaction (see quote above) is quite bluntly neglect- you not being bothered is effectively making the situation worse- and taking away from this person any chance of being independant again.

purplegoanna, Dec 22, 8:21pm
do you have any idea what its like to look after someone who wants help one minute than says the complete opposite the next!! a recent family member of ours just died because of her complete arrogance in recieving any help or letting anyone help her, she flatout refused any aid which then became a drain on her family who then after much upset and woe finally got her into a resthome ( the doc ordered it after seeing them in such a struggle) where she fought them tooth & nail, she'd toilet in her own bed just because she didnt believe she needed help & wouldnt let anyone help her, in the end she couldnt even walk because her legs just swelled up to inactivity. I do feel for anyone who gets to the stage where poster#1 is at cause your damned if you do and danmed if you dont, it can be extremely stressful and tiresome constantly helping someone who refuses to acknowledge they need help themselves. + poster1 has neva said wether theyre a caregiver or a sole family member left to help cause all the other family members have scarpered, poster1 maybe the only option.

roisin-aiofe, Dec 22, 9:53pm
Purplegoanna. I am an experienced caregiver, specialising in D3-D6 dementia care. My whole life is working with people who "want help one minute, then change their mind the next".

It is extremely challenging- which is why I said that specialist help was needed- proper assessment, and care/support workers who could and would actually take care of this person properly, and could be "bothered" to put in the hard yards.

fifie, Dec 22, 10:30pm
Ash sometimes the elderly get confused, or don't really comprehend whats happening to them and they see a rest home as the end of their independent life, and will resist going there full stop. Having been through this with our mum its frustrating, stressful, and heartbreaking for all concerned.My advice would be find a Dr who is willing to asses them this may include a few days of hospitialisation or care till they see what they can or can not do. And if you are told care is what is needed this could be hard for you all as they no doubt will not be happy about going, but you just have to not take all that on board and place them somewhere your happy with.They will settle and get all the help by trained staff thats needed, if dementia is involved or their physcial needs worsen sometimes untrained people struggle trying to cope with their lives plus this as well,you have had some excellent advice on here take it and you will all be a lot happier.

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