Living with elderly parent/s -Career's Support

teddiesbearall, Dec 25, 10:52pm
My 91 year elderly father lives with us and has done so for the past 3 and half years.
It is very hard work living with an elderly person and I am interested to hear how other people cope and whether or not there is a career's support group that anyone knows of in the Wellington area!
If you are living with an elderly person how do you arrange some 'time out' for yourself!
Look forward to hearing what other people in the same situation do.

2alc, Dec 26, 1:33am
You can get "respite care"for short stay at most rest homes.

neldav, Dec 26, 1:34am
hi, think you can have a three week respite when elderly goes into nursing home of your choice(Winz paysfor three weeks.).Perhaps other poster may have other ideas.

olwen, Dec 26, 2:04am
My partner (63) is in poor health.After he was hospitalised twice people started to take notice of me.We are now pre-approved for 28 days rest home care per year if I can't care for him.The rules are different because he is so young.

crab2, Dec 26, 8:21am
Do you get any help regarding personal care!

I suggest you have a look at this site and send an email for the free Family Care Magazine which is sent out to your home address and is a quarterly(I think), it is a wealth of information.

jbsouthland, Dec 26, 8:29am
You should be able to get personal careand respite help and Age Concern will help with advice etc even visitors to him ,also if he belongs to other healthrelated groups. please look after your own needs as well as your dads.and what a lovely thing you are doing for your dad.but if you need help don't feel bad .ask.

teddiesbearall, Dec 26, 11:46am
Thank you for all your suggestions. They are helpful.
My Dad is unfortunately a very stubborn man and because of his generation in which he grew up, he doesn't like change.
We are just starting now to look at getting some Respite Care set up and also have someone come into the house and help him out with his Personal Care. He'snot too keen on the idea, but has agreed to it.
Crab2.thank you for that link. I shall look at it tomorrow and see whats what.
Guilt play a big part when a career of a parent needs to go into Respite Care for a much needed break. I realise it shouldn't do, but when someone trusts you to do the right thing by them, you can't help but feel guilt sometimes. Its almost like you feel a bit of a traitor.
Thank you all again. :)

hilt_dwane, Dec 26, 10:17pm
I have been caring for my 95 year old mother for the last 15 months now and we have carer support. The first step is to take your Dad to his GP for an assessment. Ensure that you ASK the Dr what help is available. Some Drs don't volunteer the info, so ask specifically. A referral is then done to Support Net who send someone out on a home visit to do an assessment of the aged person. Their level is graded and the amount of repite care is granted on the grading level. When you take your Dad to the Dr, ensure you see the Dr with him and also when the home assessment is done. The oldsters have this habit of telling porkies or minimising anything they see as being less than perfect, if believed, this will negate any potential help but they don't understand this. You have to be so careful too that you don't appear (to them) to be putting them down as they will feel they are being picked on. Often you need to make contact with those doing assessments out of earshot of the aged to give them the true picture. Mostly those working in this field are aware of these tendencies anyway. Once the assessment is done, you will be notified in writing of how many days per 12 months that you can have for respite care. They will supply a list of places that provide this care. You can use the time in several chunks as to suit yourself. It is important not to feel guilty about this - caring for the aged is like being thrown right back into caring for a 2 year old when you are in your 60's or 70's - quite a shock to the system and the lack of freedom can be very wearing. If you don't get the breaks you need, you will cave in and then what happens! Last Feb we used 21 days of the allocation - to go down to clear out my mothers house in Hawkes Bay - it had remained closed for 6 months with all her stuff in it. Now hubby is 80 and I am 62 and it was a huge sentence that we were dealt. Mother is a hoarder and we had to clear out 90 years of junk. 4 large skips later, couple of mart loads, 3 truckloads to the Sallies and we were finished. I recall as we dropped Mum off I had this feeling of freedom like dropping the kids off for a weekend of no responsibility. That 3 weeks was totally exhausting and after out return we called Support Net, explained what it had been used for and were granted another 2 weeks as they did see it as hard labour and not a relaxing break. Mother has now been reassessed at level 5 (equivalent of rest home care) and we get 50 days per year. You don't have to use it all but it will not be carried over. The Govt pay $75 per day and the aged person pays the balance (usually up to about $120 per day). They will organise assistance with showering, getting the elderly ready for bed at night and continence issues. Sorry this has been so long, hope it is of some help

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